What Does It Mean To Say “I Forgive You” to a Father Wound?
Author Lewis Smedes once wrote, "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Knowing you need to forgive your father and actually doing it are two very different things. Authentic, healthy forgiveness is the antidote the most bitter cancers of the soul. Yet, forgiveness that is not done properly can be more damaging than it can be helpful.
Do you know what forgiveness is and what it is not? Consider this chart and ask yourself, have I really been set free by true forgiveness?
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Forgiveness is… |
Forgiveness is not… |
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An ongoing journey. (Psalm 86:5) |
A single act. (Matthew 18:21-22) |
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Acknowledging the hurt, while giving that hurt to God. (1 Peter 5:7) |
Minimizing or excusing the sin/offense and its effect on you. (Matthew 18:15) |
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An opportunity for the offender to regain trust and restore the relationship. (1 Peter 5:5) |
Blindly ignoring ongoing mistreatment and mistrust. (Acts 17:30) |
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Setting healthy boundaries to prevent further abuse or mistreatment. (John 2:24, Matthew 10:16-17) |
Letting everything go “back to normal.” (John 8:11) |
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Choosing to no longer hold the offense against the other person. (Proverbs 17:9, 1 Corinthians 13:5) |
Forgetting about the offense as if it never happened. (Ephesians 4:31-32) |
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Participating in the Gospel of Christ, which is a mission and ministry of reconciliation. (1 Corinthians 5:18) |
Cancelling people and identifying them as “toxic.” (1 Peter 4:8) |
If you find that your forgiveness is lacking, take time to repent and get things straight with those who have hurt you.
Father /// Wound is a new IMPACT Cohort study for men who want to become healthy men thriving in their relationships. When a man is willing to acknowledge the hurt, experience the healing, and share the hope that comes from the Father /// Wound study, he will become a better husband, father, and leader. Step forward with courage here.
National Director | IMPACT Players
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