"My Wife Treat Me Like I Am Her Savior"
"My Wife Treat Me Like I Am Her Savior"
"You're my everything, I am hopeless without you," she said as she buried her head in his shoulder.
At first, it felt good. Necessary, even. She leaned on him for everything—emotionally, spiritually, practically. When something went wrong, she looked to him. When she was anxious, he was the one who steadied her. When life felt overwhelming, she needed him to fix it, carry it, absorb it.
He told himself this was what strong husbands do.
But over time, the weight grew heavier. What once felt like purpose slowly turned into pressure. He began to sense that her peace depended on his performance, her joy on his availability, her stability on his strength. If he failed, even briefly, the disappointment was crushing. If he was tired, distracted, or uncertain, the fallout felt outsized. He loved her deeply—but he was exhausted. The expectations she placed on him were more than he could bear.
When a wife begins to treat her husband like her savior, it often looks like devotion, but underneath it is misplaced dependence. What starts as starry-eyed admiration can quietly become oversized expectation. What begins as the adoration of a hero becomes the dependence on a savior. No man is designed to carry the full weight of another person’s soul.
This dynamic is dangerous for both spouses. For the wife, it places ultimate hope in a flawed and finite human being. For the husband, it creates a burden that no amount of effort can sustain. Over time, it breeds anxiety, resentment, and fear of failure. The marriage may still look connected, but it is no longer grounded in freedom—it is held together by pressure.
In his classic book the Meaning of Marriage, Dr. Timothy Keller points to this reality saying,
“No human being can bear the weight of being God in another person’s life.”
Scripture is remarkably clear on this point. God never intended husbands to replace Him. While a husband is called to love sacrificially, lead faithfully, and serve selflessly, he is not called to be the source of his wife’s identity, security, or salvation. That role belongs to Christ alone. In Psalm 62:5-7, David, the King and hero of Israel made it clear that no man, not even a King can carry the crown of the King of Kings for himself, let alone for another person-
“For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken.”
This is where many well-intentioned men get confused. They hear the call to lay down their lives, to love as Christ loved the church, and they assume that means absorbing everything—every fear, every wound, every unmet desire. But Christ-like love does not mean replacing Christ. A husband is meant to point his wife to God, not take God’s place in her life. Dr. Ed Welch, the counselor and author of Side by Side: Walking with Others in Wisdom and Love gives a concise word of wisdom for husbands and wives,
“We often ask others to do for us what only God can do.”
A healthy marriage consists of two worshipers walking side by side, not one savior and one dependent. When a wife looks to her husband as her ultimate rescuer, both people suffer. When a husband subtly accepts that role—through hero posturing, load bearing, or fear of disappointment—he begins to live under a burden he was never meant to bear.
There is a crucial difference between support and substitution. A godly husband supports his wife through difficulty, but he does not substitute himself for God. He encourages her faith, but he does not become the foundation of it. He listens, prays, and walks with her, but he does not take responsibility for her inner life or spiritual vitality.
A 2021 study in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that when one spouse takes primary responsibility for emotional regulation and problem-solving, both partners report increased distress and decreased satisfaction.
“To make another person the source of your happiness is to make them the source of your suffering.” David W. Augsburger, Courageous Humility: Engaging the World with Gentleness and Respect
True love is not always soothing; sometimes it is clarifying. It may require a husband to gently but firmly redirect his wife’s dependence back to the Lord. It may require him to stop rescuing, fixing, or absorbing in ways that feel loving but are ultimately unhealthy. This requires courage, because it often means disappointing expectations.
The turning point often comes when a man asks a different set of questions. Not, How do I keep her from falling apart? but, How do I faithfully point her to the One who never will? Not, How do I carry this better? but, What is mine to carry, and what belongs to God?
Marriage flourishes when both husband and wife kneel before Christ, not when one tries to stand in His place. When that order is restored, the pressure lifts, intimacy deepens, and love becomes freer and more joyful. The husband is no longer crushed by expectation, and the wife is no longer disappointed by inevitable human limitations.
IMPACT Players exists to help men lead from the right place—strong without being controlling, loving without being codependent, sacrificial without becoming saviors. Men are called to point, not replace; to guide, not to carry what only God can bear.
If you feel the weight of being someone else’s savior, it may be time to lay that burden down. Christ is already on the throne. Your marriage will be stronger when you let Him stay there.
Join the Movement
If you’re ready to be part of what God is doing in the lives of men, we invite you to take the next step.
Visit impactplayers.org to:
- Find or start an IMPACT Cohort in your community
- Host a Men’s Breakfast and start an IMPACT Chapter
- Partner with us to reach and raise up men across America
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