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“My Wife Treats Me Like a Roommate”

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“My Wife Treats Me Like a Roommate”

He confided to a friend- "We sleep in the same bed, eat dinner at the same table, manage similar schedules, and yet somehow feel miles apart. Everything on the surface looks functional, even peaceful. There are no major fights, no dramatic blowups, no obvious crisis. But our spark is missing. I want more, but my wife treats me like a roommate."

Perhaps this scenario sounds familiar...

“Busy week?” he asked one night, hoping for more than a one-word exchange. “Yeah,” she replied, eyes fixed on her phone. No follow-up. No eye contact. No invitation into her world.

Somewhere along the way, touch had been replaced by tech and talk had devolved into scheduling. Later that night, lying in bed beside her, with his back to hers, it finally hit him. We’re not fighting. We’re fading.

Most marriages don’t fall apart because of explosive conflict. They slowly erode because of emotional neglect. When curiosity disappears, when pursuit fades, when intentional connection is replaced by routines and responsibilities, a spouse gradually becomes a roommate.

This is one of the most common and least talked about dangers in marriage. Research consistently shows that emotional disengagement—not conflict—is the leading predictor of divorce. In other words, it’s not the couples who argue the most who are at the greatest risk, but the couples who stop reaching for one another altogether. As Sue Johnson, a pioneer in emotionally focused therapy, has said, "strong marriages are built on emotional responsiveness, not efficiency. You can run a household well and still lose each other in the process."

Scripture paints a very different picture of marriage. From the beginning, God’s design was not shared space but sacred union. “The two shall become one flesh” speaks to intermingled intimacy, not cold coexistence.

In the Song of Solomon, we see a picture of desire, attentiveness, and pursuit—a heart that remains awake to the beloved even in the stillness of the night. That kind of connection does not happen accidentally. It must be cultivated.

Roommates split bills, coordinate schedules, and manage logistics. As a husband, you are called to relentlessly pursue the heart of your bride. Relentless pursuit does not end at the altar. "I do" is the starting line, not the finish line.

What does "Relentless Pursuit" look like in a marriage?

It looks like asking questions that search your bride's heart for treasure.
It looks like touching her face, and looking into her eyes as you express your love for her deepest self.
It looks like choosing presence over distraction and intentionality over convenience.
It looks like confessing your sins, practicing repentance, and modeling reconciliation.
It looks like engaging her dreams and desires with joy and zeal.
It looks like praying together, for one another, in intimate places.
It looks like sharing your hopes, fears, and imagination with her like you did when you were younger.
It looks like laughing and playing with one another freely.

So it’s worth asking some honest questions.

When did I stop pursuing my wife emotionally?
Where did I begin avoiding conflict instead of pursuing connection?
What is one small but intentional way I can turn toward her today?

Relentless pursuit is rarely comfortable or easy. It's a covenantal commitment that flows from the very heart of God. Without it, a wife can become like a roommate. With it, a turned back can become an open heart.

IMPACT Players exists to help men rebuild connection, courage, and intentionality in marriage. We believe men are called to more than shared space and quiet distance. Don’t settle for being roommates. Fight for shared hearts.

Note- This is the second of a series of posts. Follow along for these future posts in the days ahead:

My Wife Treats Me Like A Child
My Wife Treat Me Like I Am A Co-Manager
My Wife Treats Me Like I Am The Cause Of All Her Problems
My Wife Treat Me Like I Am Her Savior
My Wife Treats Me Like I Am The Scum Of The Earth

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To Equip & Encourage

“My Wife Treats Me Like a Roommate”

“My Wife Treats Me Like a Roommate”

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